Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Here's an entry I wrote yesterday but was too much of a baby to post:

Maybe it's just because the past two weeks have been pretty horrible, but I'm ready for it to be over. High school I mean. I'm tired of feeling like I'm trapped in this little bubble of how people think I am, and how I really am. I'm sick to death of being surrounded by constant discussion of incredibly petty, artificial and just plain stupid things. I hate how some people manage to turn every last thing into a competition where they boost their own ego by making you feel inferior just because they're not okay with the way they are or the things they've done. Do people ever really grow up? I hope so. Do people ever really change? I hope so. I hope I do. I think I spend most of my time now waiting around. I'm always waiting for something - the weekend, the end of school, graduation... I think I've just kinda disappointed myself lately. It's not anything specific, it's just... a lot of things that I don't do, and that I don't say. Bleh. None of this is about anyone specific. Honestly. It's definitely not against my friends, because I honestly think I've met some of the best friends I'll ever have here. I guess it's just all the... unbelievably stereotypical things of high school that've turned out to be true, that make me want to get the hell out of here so badly.

But I guess at the end of day, I know I'll eventually miss it. I'll miss the feeling of having friends who know you so well constantly by your side. I'll miss the feeling of familiarity that comes with going to school with the same people for 12 years. And mostly, I'll miss that feeling when you're hanging out with friends, laughing and talking, maybe about nothing, but it sure feels like something. Because I think it's true, once I leave, I'll appreciate it a lot more. I'll appreciate the ones that know me so well, I don't have to bother trying to explain. The ones who get me, know all my eccentricites and accept me anyway. But at the same time, the friends that know me that well, I honestly think we'll stay in touch, no matter where we end up.

Bleh. I've been talking for too long. Good and bad, high school really is one of things that end up defining who you are... and I guess I'd really rather not have this be time of my life because peaking when you're 18 means you spend the next 3/4 of your life having less fun.                 posted here at @ 5:44 PM & 0 comments