Sunday, June 13, 2004

Rather than be productive at 9:32 on a Sunday night, I'm sitting here getting ready to write the inevitable (almost obligatory) end of high school post. But as I sit here trying to articulate everything I'm thinking, I just can't. I can't find all the words to explain my mixed emotions. But I'll try anyways.

I'm relieved to be leaving behind the things that have trailed us since grade school. I'm relieved to leave behind the ones who've known me since the dawn of time, and always stuck me with the image they've had of me from a decade ago.

I feel old because graduation is one of those "milestones" in your life, and I feel too much like a kid to have a "milestone."

I feel nostalgic about the old days. Chasing boys around the playground at Cloverly, stealing each others' snacks during recess, being excited to get out of PE because of band/orchestra. Barbies, imitation Chucks, Monopoly, matching sweatsuits, handball, BSC books. The Oakie years that were full of firsts. The beginning of dance and boy drama. The melding of elementary school cliques. High school that continued the dance and boy drama. Friends that made you feel truly glad to be alive and laughing. I could go on but I'm sure everyone gets the point by now.

I'm excited to start something completely new and different. Excited to be independent and away from everything that's familiar and comforting.

But I'm sad about all the people I genuinely wanted to get to know, but never did and about the people I do know but not quite well enough. Sad about the friends I used to know so well but almost never talk to anymore.

I feel grateful for the friends who've made high school worthwhile. It wasn't perfect and it better not be the "time of my life," but that doesn't mean I didn't have fun. Some of it really was deep and meaningful. Some of it was the epitome of meaningless. That's the beauty of it.

Definitely feeling unsure about the future. What will happen? Nooobody knows. haha.

But I'm very ready.

Edited on Wednesday September 15 to remove pictures because they make this page too long. I'll get around to putting them up on the pictures page eventually.
                posted here at @ 10:00 PM & 0 comments